The jokes
Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?
Because they don’t have a family to share it with. 😥
A man was taking a young child into the woods.
The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."
The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."
"Knock, knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Cow said."
"Cow said who?"
"Cow says moo you ding dong!"
Why did Stephen Hawking walk across the road? Oh wait...
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.
Milk is that the Uganda way?
A priest, a minister, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."
The other sibling said, "You are, too."
Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."
And the sibling says, "We're twins."
The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
You are the joke.
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
Which part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The wheelchair.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He traveled too far from the outlet.
So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
Me.
The joke is as short as me.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because it's the only place where they get to call him "father."