The jokes

If the dyslexic man wanted to adopt a kid, then how could he sign the papers?

What is the difference between an American and an orphan?

They don't have a home to get their guns.

Biggest chungus to the rescue, fat bitches!

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.

What did the wire say to the electrician?

"Stop twisting my nuts!"

My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.

How does the bunny keep his fur neat?

With a hare brush.

Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.

Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

A: A Lamborghini isn't a very fun hobby.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.

I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

All the lines on the LGBT flag are straight.

Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.

Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?

A: A few weeks.

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef!