The jokes
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
How do you turn the Roman numeral IX (9) to a six?
Add the "S."
I was born on the moon.
Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
The chicken is actually a fruit because it is grown on a pole-tree.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with!
My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.
Why is a tomato red?
Because it saw the ranch dressing!
What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?
A bullet.
Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.
Trashy pig woman: Why?
Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
Me: "Hey, you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong."
Trashy pig woman: "Why?"
Because you smell like fart, and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND CLEAN MY ROOM! YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "I gagged."
Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"