The jokes
What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?
She died the next weekend.
What did the cow say to the prostitute?
Moo.
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
What's the difference between babies and onions? I cry when I cut onions.
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
The only reason he died was because Virgin Media wifi crashed.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
His wife forgot to plug his wheelchair into the wall.
Why do elves go to school?
To learn the elf-abet.