The jokes
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see a floor show.
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
What is the difference between a human and a bird?
A bird can fly and a human cannot fly.
What did the left butt cheek say to the right?
"Trump 2020."
I wish everyone spoke to each other the way God did.
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
What is the name of a show for kids?
Barney.
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
"Between you and me, something smells!"
Why did the chicken not cross the road?
Because it saw your face!
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
What is the difference between a house and a car? A car can drive and a house can not drive.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?
Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Which month is the bus? December.
Why could you not hear the dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
Why did the cow cross the road to go to the moovies?
To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."