The jokes
What is the difference between a tree 🌲 and a car 🚘?
A car can drive, and a tree 🌳 cannot drive.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
Because he was koala-fied!
Why did the guy take a bath? Because he came, and it was too much of a mess.
Why did the guy run because the girl ripped his penis off?
I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
What's the difference between a human and a tree?
A human can chop down a tree.
A tree can't chop down a human.
What's the difference between a fly and a bird?
A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.
What is the difference between a human being and a tree?
A human can walk and a tree cannot walk.
Q: Why are the 49ers called the 49ers?
A: 'Cause they can't make it past the 50-yard line.
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.
Boy: Spell ME.
Girl: M-E.
Boy: You forgot the D.
Girl: There is no D in ME.
Boy: Not yet.
Who tells the best chicken jokes?
Comedi-hens!
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
Yellow is the best.
What is yellow? The sun ☀️.
What is the best time!? 6:22 a.m.