The jokes
What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?
When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
what is the fastest country? iran.
A blonde crashes an airplane.
Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?
Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.
Officer: *face palms self*
Also officer: Here's your sign.
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."
A person went to tell a joke: "Knock knock!" "Who’s there?" "I don’t remember!" (I think we need to moove on to the next joke now.)
I just now made this one up! Then I realized it is in the cow category, so I added the moove on part! 😂
Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”
That one kid putting Joe: -_-
Teacher: Who’s Joe?
The whole class: JOE MAMA!
I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."
You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dumplin.
Dumplin who?
Dumplin the killer.
911 what's your emergency?
Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!
Operator: What happened!?
Me: She bit the tip.
The udder day I drank milk.
It was udderly delicious!
What’s the difference between a dirty bus terminal and a lobster with implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.