The jokes
What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?
A girlfriend likes a bad boy.
My friends: Ugh, why are you so lazy and no fun?
My parents: Why can't you be like your siblings?
My teacher: I don't care if you're depressed, focus on your study!
The songs: We understand you :)
Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.
The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”
As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
Why was the elephant woozy?
Because he was trunk.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?
CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.
Why couldn't the toilet paper roll down the road?
Question: What's the smallest thing on earth?
Answer: Your brain.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
What is the funniest hill in the world called? Hill-arious!
How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road and didn't make it.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Why was the orphan so bad at baseball?
He couldn't find home.
When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland, what are you when you are IN the bathroom?
European.
Why was the calf afraid?
Because she was a cow-herd.
Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...
What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.