The jokes
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? Rearranged the furniture.
Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?
Me: He could feel it in his bones.
Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!
Heheh ;3
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Tennis because it's the only love they'll get.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the gay kid's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
Zozo went to the store and walked out with nothing, why?
Zozo the hobo is a hobo, remember? He doesn’t have any money.
Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
I took 7 coins from someone. He even came back from the dead to get them.
Why did the depressed person cross the road?
To get run over.
What did the orphan say to the crippled man?
I suffer from crippling depression.
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.
Zozo the hobo has two frogs and a bunny cage from pet expo. Why? Because he wanted a pet, you idiot!
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.