The jokes
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Not Sally, she doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You.
You who?
Don't you get it? You're the joke, dumbass!
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
Hi 👋 I have some good idea 💡. What was the best game I’ve [played]?
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
The cow was stuck because 3 retarded piggies were blocking him.
What did the cow say to the pigs, "MOOOVE!"
Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.
Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.