The jokes
Why was the stadium so cold?
Because of all its fans!
What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?
"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?
A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! 🐄
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
You're the reason the middle finger got created.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead; his update is just laggy because he is too far from the WiFi box.
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What kind of animal falls from the sky?
Answer: A raindeer.
A Mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car, and the passenger asked, "Where are we going?"
The Mexican says, "I'm not driving, the drunk guy is."
Why couldn't the orphanage win the baseball game?
Answer: They couldn't find home base.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.