The jokes
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.
Why did the cheetah kill the lion? Because he farted.
I know my jokes suck.
Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.
If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
*Aye, Matey!*
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
My name is Devonair.
When I get a haircut, it's always bald.
Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."
My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*
I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.
A teacher asked her class “what is sex?”
Little Johnny got up and said: “Sex is a *temptation* Caused by a *sensation* Where the boy sticks his *location* Into a girls *destination* To increase the *population* Of the next *generation* Did you get my *explanation*? Or do you need a *demonstration*?”
The teacher faints.
What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
Why don't midgets use tampons?
Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!