The jokes
What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?
The cow never made it.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
I'm not in jail for tossing a salad.
Want to see a funny joke? Look in the mirror.
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
What's the difference between humans and mushrooms? I don't like eating mushrooms.
So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."
Guess what that is and it’s explosive. The end looks like <>
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
What's the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
Bee Jokes:
"Hello."
"Oh, hello, Buzzy!"
"Why are ya calling me Buzzy this whole time?"
"Because you BEE BUZZing!" (Laughs)
"It's not funny! Jokes are the worst, although I hate those Bee Jokes!"
"Chillax bro. Don't BEE a hater of jokes, dude!" (Laughs)
"Aagh! You always had a choice, but I will sting ya face!"
"No! You BEE like pollen to make HONEY-moon." (Laughs)
"Stoooop!! I'm outta here, your worst fan."
"Fan?"
"Yes, your worst fan!"
"No! Fan!"
"What?! Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!!!"
"Ohhh! Buzzy's looking BEE-wind!" (Laughs)
What mountain cries the most?
A mountain under water.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.
Why did the skeleton want a friend? He was feeling bonely.