The jokes
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
Heard about the new event in Africa? Called the Hunger Games.
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?
The steering wheel.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
What's the difference between a bad joke and an actually bad joke?
An actually bad joke is not funny, like this one!
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
Have you heard of the work called "ligma balls?"
When I was very young...
My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.
They are rapists now.
What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
'Cause it was stuck in the crack... *buttcrack*
What did the kid say to the orphan?
"Well, at least I have parents!"
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”