The jokes
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the suitcase.
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
Why did the frog cross the road to hop to his side, Bih?
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.