SOS jokes

Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?

Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.

Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.

Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!

Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.

Teacher: What was that?

Alex: Flew the plane.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"

Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"

Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV, I missed 3 episodes!

Why do basketball players love cookies so much?

Because they can dunk them!

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

So I walked into this bar and thought, "Wow, this is a dull joke."

I don't like jokes.

My joke is so diam funny, or so damn funny.

The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.

People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.

I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)

Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.

Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.

Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.

Why does everyone like couch jokes?

Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!

Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.

Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.

Your mama is so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.