Return Policy jokes

A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"

"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:

"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said, "No, you won’t return it."

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

A man walks into a library.

Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"

Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"

Suicidal Man: ...

Librarian: ...

The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.