Return Policy jokes

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

A man walks into a library.

Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"

Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"

Suicidal Man: ...

Librarian: ...

The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:

"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."

A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"

"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said, "No, you won’t return it."

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

Politics.

Labor party.

When people are ready to die for their country:

Trust the Unionist Party.

Better than Reform.

I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.

Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.