Rectal thermometer jokes

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste!

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."