Pharmaceutical jokes
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Ralphie: They put drugs in our medication?
Me: The medication is the drugs.
Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.
Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.