Mitten jokes

How do you shut Helen Keller up?

You give her mittens.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

What's a delinquent mitten's favorite sport?

Badminton.

Mikey don't clean his foreskin dude straight gay.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?

Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.