Mitten jokes

Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

How do you shut Helen Keller up?

You give her mittens.

What's a delinquent mitten's favorite sport?

Badminton.

When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?

What do you call it when a midget waves at you?

A microwave.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

A pair of gloves!

Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.