Mitten jokes

Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

How do you shut Helen Keller up?

You give her mittens.

What's a delinquent mitten's favorite sport?

Badminton.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?

What do you call it when a midget waves at you?

A microwave.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

A pair of gloves!

Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."