Mitten jokes
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.
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Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
What's a delinquent mitten's favorite sport?
Badminton.