Miles Per Hour jokes

What is red and goes 200 miles per hour?

A baby in a blender.

Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?

From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.

What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?

Hitting it off with a cricket bat.

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?

A frog in a blender.

Americans: Miles per hour.

Europeans: Bullets per kid...

What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?

A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.

I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.