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Backyard

2 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A black and white image shows a cat wearing a hat and smoking a cigarette. The text overlay asks, "If they find oil in my backyard it belongs to government, but if they find bodies in my backyard it belongs to me??" and also says "(Stay with me now)"

Snail

6 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image is a six-panel comic strip. In the first panel, a man is pointing up and saying, "If salt kills snails, then if my hypothesis is correct". The second panel shows a snail in a box with pepper being sprinkled over it and text saying, "Pepper should, in fact, bring them back to life!". The third panel shows the snail glowing with a bright light. The fourth panel shows a giant snail with the man standing at his feet and text saying, "Oh god, I was wrong. It just makes them huge and horny!!". The fifth panel shows a huge snail close-up with long tendrils and text saying, "Now lemme get ya slimey- I wanna nibble on your virginity!". The sixth panel shows the man crying and screaming with a snail tendril coming towards him with text saying, "Mum get the salt! Get the f***ing salt!"

Script

6 views · Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 1 year ago

A tweet from Joe Heenan stating he wrote a script during lockdown and received an email from someone at Netflix. The email reads, Dear Mr. Heenan, Thank you for the script, it's one of the best we have ever read. The writing is superb, it's tense, funny & non stop action. The only problem is it's the script to Die Hard. You literally sent us the script to Die Hard & changed the title to Mr. No Shoes and the Shooty Shooty Bang Bang Christmas. Never contact us again.

Military

15 views · Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 1 year ago

The image is a comic strip showing three panels. In the first panel, an elderly man in military attire is talking to a younger man sitting next to him, who is also playing a video game. The text says, "WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I DEFEATED THE NAZIS IN HOLLAND." The younger man responds, "You have to let me go, grandpa. It's not your fault you inspired me to join the military. I knew the risks when I signed up. It was my choice." In the second panel, the younger man fades and becomes translucent. The text says, "Men shouldn't die so young." In the third panel, the elderly man is sitting alone on the chair.

Mind

15 views · Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 1 year ago

The image shows a split view of John F. Kennedy. On the left a black-and-white photo inside a red circle shows Kennedy riding in a car during a parade, on the right a color portrait of Kennedy smiling. Below, the text "You'll never believe what happened at this parade (it blew my mind)" is shown. A YouTube interface is at the bottom with the channel name "JFK".

Ball

9 views · Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 1 year ago

A large, colorful beach ball, with a man standing next to it. The text below the image reads: "A fun way to ruin a weekend and blow 100 bucks. We took this ball to the beach and after close to 2 hours to pump it up, we pushed it around for about 10 fun filled minutes. That was when the wind picked it up and sent it huddling down the beach at about 40 knots. It destroyed everything in its path. Children screamed in terror at the giant inflatable monster that crushed their sand castles. Grown men were knocked down trying to save their families. The faster we chased it, the faster it rolled. It was like it was mocking us. Eventually, we had to stop running after it because its path of injury and destruction was going to cost us a fortune in legal fees. Rumor has it that it can still be seen stalking innocent families on the Florida panhandle. We lost it in South Carolina, so there is something to be said about its durability."

Israel

13 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A map shows the area of Israel and surrounding territories. Text overlays the map, stating: "That's it, you guys couldn't behave. The Kurds get Israel." The word "Kurdistan" is written over Israel.

Money

29 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

Big Bird is standing looking downward. Below him text reads: "Big Bird once again kindly offers money to homeless Oscar. He knows fully well that Oscar would immediately use it to fulfill his heroin addiction, which is precisely what he wants. Enough money to help him stay addicted, but not enough to get him to quit or die. An endless cycle of suffering that keeps him throbbingly erect at night."

Sign

3 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image is divided into two columns. On the left, a small brown dog with swollen cheeks is shown under the word "FIGGLEBOTTOM". On the right, a man is shown with a red "X" over his face under the word "ALPHA". Below, text from a YouTube video says: "5 Signs You're a 'FiggleBottom' Male (SUPER RARE) & Is it Better Than 'ALPHA'?"

War Crime

16 views · ur mom :3 · 1 year ago

it’s so fun

A white background with black text reading 'I' and then a red heart symbol, followed by more black text: 'committing war crimes on innocent families in war torn countries.'

Blowjob

161 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The text says "Schrödinger's blowjob?" followed by a description of a hypothetical scenario. It states that while blindfolded one receives the best blowjob ever. The identity of the person is not known and it could be anyone such as Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold or even the fireman's cat. The question asked is if you would take off the blindfold to find out, or just leave it on.

Body

9 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A raccoon is lifting a barbell in a home gym. The text on the image says, "This is the ideal male body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like."

Type

51 views · Anonymous · 1 year ago

The image shows a text stating, "There are 2 types of people," followed by two comments. The first comment, by "Heroin Monkey," reads, "daddy diddy is cumming." The second comment, by "rylee!!," reads, "I get this is a jokes site but other people have convos as well on here. It's not just me and ethan so please stop."

Palpatine

21 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a YouTube video with a red arrow pointing at the face of Palpatine. Above his head, it says "HATES DEMOCRACY". Below the video title reads "I worked for Palpatine, he's a fraud". In the comment section, the user comments "Cry about it".

Coffee

21 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A screenshot of two Instagram posts. The first post, from user fatgirlhedonist, says "Idk who needs to hear this, but I switched from buying coffee every day to making it at home 2 years ago and I'm still not a millionaire." The second post, from user brianmstewart, is pinned and replies "I have studied the habits of millionaires. While it is a good step to save money by making coffee at home, have you considered supplementing your income by committing massive fraud?"

Thomas

2 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image shows a cartoon of Thomas the Tank Engine with a human-like body with arms and legs, positioned as if crawling away. The text above reads: "IT WAS TIME FOR THOMAS TO LEAVE."

Load

91 views · Anonymous · 1 year ago

A couple is embracing in a kitchen. The woman is holding a plate. Text on the image reads: "Stop it. I'm trying to put a load in the dishwasher." The man replies with "Yeah... Me Too!"

Frog

20 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A close up shot of a frog looking directly at the viewer. It is being held in someone's hand. Below the image are text messages: "What is this." followed by "frog", "What kind." followed by "A chonk one", and "Yes, but what is it called." followed by "Harold".

Seafood diet

1 view · Anonymous · 1 year ago

A chubby boy with a serious facial expression is flexing his arm muscles. The text on the image reads: "I'M ON A SEAFOOD DIET I SEE FOOD AND I EAT IT."

Man

83 views · Anonymous · 1 year ago

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