Worst Jokes Ever

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Worst Jokes Ever

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Heroin Monkey

wait did caley date ashton this is her uwu crew bio

Heroin Monkey

The 6 year old at Walmart
directing his morbidly obese
mother while she parks her
mobility scooter

Heroin Monkey

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Heroin Monkey

It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.

RapBoat

The image is a two-panel comic showing examples of appropriate and inappropriate workplace behavior. In the top panel, a man is labeled "APPROPRIATE" and says, "She got a big booty so I call her Big Booty (Booty)." A woman at her desk responds, "AWWW, YOU'RE SWEET." In the bottom panel, a man is labeled "INAPPROPRIATE" and says, "Grippy, huh. Grippy, I call her that 'cause it's grippy." The same woman is now on the phone, saying, "HELLO, HUMAN RESOURCES?!" The faces of the men are replaced with pictures of the rappers Gunna and J. Cole respectively.

Heroin Monkey

A photo from under a bed with the text "DO NOT LET HER DO A BACKFLIP ON THE D!!!!"

Anonymous

A screenshot of a text message conversation. One person sends a series of increasingly demanding requests, such as asking for social media passwords and demanding the other person to unfriend girls. The final text from the other person says, "Bitch done lost her mind."

not_pimi_gal2009

when Queen Elizabeth does her evil face when she hates someone : be like :'/

The image shows a two-panel comparison. On the left, Queen Elizabeth has a visible frown. On the right, a picture of Kate Middleton with a neutral expression. There is no text on the image.

Anonymous

tell me who loves fortnite spider gwen i love her alot do not judge

A 3D rendering of Spider Gwen from Fortnite. She has a white and pink mask with large white eyes, a black top, and white arms.

✨Jassy✨

I saw her face and said "Awoop Jump Scare"!!!!

A person with dark circles under the eyes and a wide, creepy smile. The text "MY FACE" is at the top of the image and "AFTER A 48 HOUR SHIFT" is at the bottom. The image has a watermark "nursebuff.com".

RapBoat

Sending this post to someone? It looks
better when you share it.
MacMiller
I wrote @ScHoolBoyQ album. I
can't keep it a secret anymore. I
wrote all the hooks and bridges.
3/18/14, 8:09 PM
6,340 RETWEETS 6,815 FAVORITES
ScHoolboy Q
@SchoolBoyQ
@MacMiller so your admitting u
use da N WORD???
3/18/14, 8:37 PM
+0
Share
He had the pass anyway. In inertia I swear he say
"all you niggas old news" hence the bleep. As
well In Shut the front door he says "I'm clearly a
Wigger" Yes that's right, with the hard R! I agree tho
man, Mac really was that (N)Wigga 8real.
173
9 Comments
13
[deleted] 14h
Pretty sure the bleep in inertia is Ariana or my ex or
my old bitch something like that but in reference to
her
Reply +8
MaclsLife OP 4h
Shit you may be right, but i like the idea of him
saying the N Word!!
-25

Heroin Monkey

A Twitter post with the text "I squeeze my girl when she on her period cause she my Lil ketchup packet" above an image of two men. The bottom image has the text "My FBI agents" over it.

Anonymous

Shitpost-master general

A meme featuring a couple lying in bed. The woman is thinking that her partner is clueless about her infidelity with his best friend. The man wonders why she tastes like Steve's dick.

Heroin Monkey

A tweet with text "Worst Headline you'll read today and there's like 10 wars happening" above a tweet by @Dexerto saying "The Hawk Tuah Girl is launching her own podcast under Jake Paul's media company". Below are two side-by-side images of Jake Paul looking surprised and the Hawk Tuah Girl smiling.

Thoughtless

A couple is lying in bed. The text on top reads: "Her: He's probably thinking about other women..." Underneath is written "Him: Who the hell is taking pictures of me and my wife in bed."

Heroin Monkey

A newspaper clipping with the headline "Nude Brit covered in poo fell from hotel balcony into café", followed by a news article describing a naked British tourist who fell through a café ceiling from his hotel balcony in Thailand.

big [fire] balls

The image displays a table with three text fields, each describing a different state of Allison Eckhart. The first one describes her as an extradimensional being, the second as an agent, and the third as a comatose being. All three texts use complicated and formal language to describe Allison Eckhart.

Heroin Monkey

The image is a screenshot of a 4chan post with green text on a black background. It depicts a dystopian scenario in a future where Hillary Clinton has become a supreme ruler and implemented a series of drastic measures.

Aliyah

my sister sent me this and saying its her bf

A young man with curly hair wearing a white baseball jersey.

big [fire] balls

A platypus in a box with the text: "BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk, it's one of the few animals that can make its own custard. AS AN ADDED BONUS HER MATE CAN POISON THE CUSTARD WITH HIS OWN VENOM."

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