Worst Jokes Ever

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Buy Memes

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a meme with text at the top and a picture of a man looking bewildered at the bottom. The text reads: "Mom: 'Your sister is turning nine, buy a candle with the number on it.' Gf: 'Buy some condoms.' The cashier when I get to the counter:"

help me please im being abused

A drawing in black and white shows enslaved people on a platform while white men gather around them, some dressed in formal attire. The text "PRO-CHOICE" is written in large white letters above the phrase "Against slavery? Don't buy one.".

Heroin Monkey

A flowchart with the title "Should you buy crack" has a series of questions leading to the decision of buying crack or not. The flowchart starts with the question "Do you have money?", if no, then "Not for crack", if yes, then, a box says "Blasphemy!". After that, questions about job, payment, possession, and finally whether you have a warm hole leading all the way to "Buy some crack"

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a side-by-side comparison of two fluffy white animals. The left side shows a fluffy white poodle, the right side shows a larger, seemingly muscular white ferret. Below are the words: "Guy Tries to Buy Toy Poodles, Gets Fluffy, Steroid-Pumped Giant Ferrets Instead". Above the animals a news ticker reads "NUEVA MODALIDAD DE ESTAFA" and "CANICHE TOY O HURON?"

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a Google search page for "sigma". The results are encircled and connected by lines to multiple images of Patrick Bateman.

𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬

The image shows a two-panel meme featuring Spongebob Squarepants. The top panel reads: "Moms when you buy something with their money", paired with an image of Spongebob with a wide-open mouth and shocked expression. The bottom panel reads: "Moms when they buy something with your money", paired with an image of Spongebob with a cute and innocent face, and hands on his cheek.

Heroin Monkey

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Heroin Monkey

The image is a four-panel comic showing how to celebrate Valentine's Day. The first panel shows a box of chocolates with the text "BUY CHOCOLATES." The second panel shows a teddy bear with the text "BUY A CUTE TEDDY BEAR." The third panel shows scented candles with the text "BUY SCENTED CANDLES." The fourth panel shows a bottle of wine and a wine glass with the text "BUY A BOTTLE OF GOOD WINE." Below these panels, there's an additional panel that shows a person in bed with the teddy bear, a spilled bottle of wine and an extinguished candle.

Heroin Monkey

A man in a suit and cap is walking on a cobblestone street. The text overlay provides a four-step process starting with: 1. borrow 10 billion from the bank. 2. buy the bank. 3. delete your own debt. 4. sell the bank.

Heroin Monkey

Silly Sonka

Captain Obvious

A man in a suit and ski mask stands in front of a stock chart with an upward arrow. A speech bubble contains the text "Money is able to buy stuff".

Heroin Monkey

Ernie looks surprised at a rectangular package while Bert stands next to him. The text says: "Ernie is astonished at the size of the brick of cocaine Bert managed to buy with this month's rent money."

Wade

The image shows text that reads: "Government: Tobacco is dangerous. You need to be 21 to buy it. Also government *sending military recruiters to high schools*:". Below this text is a picture of a man with white hair wearing a red blazer with an excited expression, saying, "Hi kids! Do you like violence?"

HuskyPhoenix_647

A man pushes a shopping cart full of bananas in a grocery store. Text above and below the image says: "That is the guy from the maths book who buys 50 bananas without a reason."

原田

The image shows a two-panel meme. The top panel shows a clock reading 10:00 and a man with a neutral expression. The bottom panel shows a clock reading 9:59 and the same man with a surprised expression. The text above reads "When you buy a clock from iraq:".

GG Miller

DAD JOKE

MK

Me when my neighbor buys a new Bugatti.

A picture of a Wojak character wearing a black beanie and hoodie, with a cigarette in his mouth. The background is a dark blue with rain drops.

Cahyani Ambara

Do NOT buy a tomato EVER again

A cartoon drawing of two characters in a supermarket. One character is looking at tomatoes with an amazed face, saying "wow look at this tomato, it's so red". The other is next to her blushing and says "marry me".

stillwaiting..

The image shows a man with short brown hair and a mustache, wearing a red hoodie, standing in front of a basement staircase. The text on the image reads: "Today I'm going to buy this basement full of children."

✨Jassy✨

Period

The image shows a text overlay: "I'm not really single. I'm dating myself. I take myself out to eat. I buy myself clothes. I love me. I'm awesome." Below this text, the image shows Mr. Bean on a beach with his arms outstretched.

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