How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
This guy is boiling water the girl walks in and says “What are you doing” the guy says “I’m making Holy Water” She said “How?” He said “I’m boiling the hell out of it”
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
How did Stephen Hawking die? His power went out
did you hear how Stephen Hawkings died he lost wifi conection
How do you plan a party in outer space?
You planet.
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
How do u catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You-neak up on it.
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
How did the Skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He read the weather forecast.
A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.
The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!
The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
how do you shribble a dick
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
