A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
HI Jokes
What did the porg say to the porg?
Hi Porg.
You're on worst jokes ever. You thought I put up a good joke? HAHAHAH!
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his butt.
Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.
What’s one thing smarter than Stephen Hawking? His computer.
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Who do you call someone that steals his brother's girlfriend and [is] disowned by his whole family? Brandon.
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
Happiness.
Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?
His left shoulder.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
There was a fancy dress party; the theme was emotions.
One guy came dressed in green, and he was envy; another person came dressed in red, and she was anger; another guy came dressed in blue, and he was sadness. Two Indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear, said he was deep in dis"pear." The other Indian came with his d*** in custard, and he said he was f***ing dicustard!
One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
