Hes jokes

My dad said I should look if I could move a log. Well, he had to go get milk.

I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.

Kid: “What happened to Dad?”

Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”

If the dyslexic man wanted to adopt a kid, then how could he sign the papers?

Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.

Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"

Why did the octopus cry?

Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.

Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.

Q) Why is Technoblade's body hard?

A) Cuz he was thinking of children on his deathbed!

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?

Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.

I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

An orphan was shocked, he called the ambulance. If he forgot he's suicidal, he quickly hung up.

Say what you will about Donald Trump, at least he's not Biden.

I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.

I remarked, "You lazy!"

Don't joke about Juice WRLD; he died a hard life, so get f***ed.

Why is Hitler a hjhjfbfhf? Because he’s Hitler!

Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?

Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.

A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

His wife asked what that was for.

"It is for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"

When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.

Why did Saturn have rings?

Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.

Why couldn’t the midget ride the bus?

He can’t slam dunk his bus fare!