A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
Hes Jokes
Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
