Hes jokes
Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men? He thought they were a delivery service.
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?
He had no body to go with.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.