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I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

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    • A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

    He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.

    My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

    A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."

    John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.

    What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?

    He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.

    A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

    Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?

    Most people: No.

    Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.