What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
Hes Jokes
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...
I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
Why does Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?
Because he doesn't listen to it!
What was Beethoven called when he only ate beef?
Beefthoven!
What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?
"This taste a little funny."
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."
Why did people bully Steven Hawking?
Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
Premise 1: IF God exists, he exists.
Premise 2: If God exists, he exists.
Premise 3: IF God exists, he definitely exists.
Conclusion: Therefore he exists.
