How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
Hes Jokes
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.
Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
