Why did Jerry fall off the moon?
Because he got hit by a fridge.
Hes Jokes
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"
Blind guy says, "Just looking around."
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he’s not a full Esé.
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...
Why did the cow steal an AK-47?
He was a mooslim.
There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?
Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
Why did Ross fall off the swing?
Because he had no arms.
In America, there was a boy named Urhan, and he had one hand and a stump, and a girl named Handa who was an orphan. They had a trial for the Boston Red Sox, and they failed because Urhan couldn’t stump the ball, and Handa didn’t know where home was.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
