I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
Hes Jokes
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"
He's fat!
The only reason he died was because Virgin Media wifi crashed.
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "What, no soap?" Then he dies and she marries the barber.
A man walked into a zoo and there was only one dog.
He came out and said, "It was a shitzu."
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.
What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?
"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."
My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.
