An alien goes to Area 51, but I wonder why he doesn't go to your house?
Hes Jokes
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see a floor show.
Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
Q. What do you call a goose that thinks he's a goat?
A. A Billy Goose.
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the side that he was not on.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
