Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
Hes Jokes
So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.
Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.
PENIS PENIS
There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. Because he/she wanted to watch the moooovie.
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
Why did the Indian cross the road?
Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.
What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?
I can Nazi!
Why was the baseball player stuck in the stadium?
'Cause he made his home run.
Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
Why did the OREO go to the dentist?
Because he needed a filling. 😂
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
Because he was koala-fied!
Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?
A: He got shot.
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’s a ball hog.
Why did the guy take a bath? Because he came, and it was too much of a mess.
Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
