Hes jokes
You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?
Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.
Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?
Because he’s always on the webcast.
Why don't people sit next to the cheetah during a test?
Because he's a cheetah!
How do you know Thor has your back?
He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
Stephen Hawking is the fastest footballer ever--he could just charge up the Left Wing!
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
Why couldn’t the orphan play baseball?
Because he didn’t know where home was.
My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.
Why doesn't a skeleton dance? Because he had no body to dance with. Lol, Sans.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.
Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.