Hes jokes

There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.

Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"

If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no balls to do it.

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."

"Why not?"

"He keeps peeing in the pool."

"Well, all kids pee in the pool."

"Not from the diving board!"

A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.

Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.

Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

Did you hear about the gay Indian who died?

He was a brave sucker.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.