What's the difference between me and Elizabeth Afton?
Her dad always comes back.
Herring Jokes
Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.
Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my blind friend couldn’t see, she said, “Open yo eyes!”
Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my friend was mute she said, “Can't you unmute her?”
One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?
So she can moan with her right hand.
Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:
Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.
Her: Really? What?
Me: Sweet-in-low.
Her: Why?
Me: Because you're artificial.
A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.
Yo mama is so fat that people had to take pictures of her from space.
Yo mama so ugly a rapist wouldn't even touch her with a barge pole.
Yo mama so stupid, she told the police a kid raped her.
A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.
The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.
Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?
Because she has to get on her knees.
A girl said she liked dogs. I called her a bitch.
