Grimness jokes

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

What is the similarity between orphans and apples?

They both get thrown out.

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!

What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The Grim Sweeper.

Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?

The grim reaper.

What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?

The vegetable gets picked.

Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.

If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

Life has ups and downs, and they had downs.

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

Knock knock.

Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.

Grim Reaper who?

The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.