What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
