DoS jokes
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?
The Monkees and Gorillaz.
What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?
Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!
Why do cows have hooves?
Because they lactose!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.
1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?
2nd Person: Yeah, sure!
1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!
How do crazy people get through a forest?
They take the psycho-path!
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large!
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
What do you call fallen water? A waterfall.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
What do you call a stick that comes back a chicken?
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.