What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?
Vegetable soup.
An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.
The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.
How do Chinese people play in Spy?
They can't.
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?
Hamburg-ER.
What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.
But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.
And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.
I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.
It's called "spastics on elastics."
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
What do you call a dictatorial cow?
Moosilini.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
Where do pedophiles go hunting?
Elementary schools.
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
