DoS jokes
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.
"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."
So I was doing a puzzle, and I was getting triggered with it. My friend said, "It's puzzling why you're so triggered."
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
What do you call an Asian prostitute?
Suck Mi Dong.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
If you turn Down syndrome upside down, do they have Up syndrome now?