DoS jokes
His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.
What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What would Stephen Hawking do to get drunk?
Overcharge himself.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
What do you call an animal underground? A fossil.
My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I answered, "Happy."
The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
What do you call a fat midget?
A pig.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?
White Castle.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
I heard he's doing a revival tour next month. It's called "Stephen Hawking Unplugged."
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
What do you call a pile of cats? A MEOW-tain.
What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? Magic!
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"