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DoS jokes

A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"

The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."

The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.

What do you call a Down syndrome kid who has been physically abused by older teenagers and her parents for a total of 16 years and has red marks all over their body?

Not funny because Down syndrome jokes aren't funny ;)

We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.

What do an abortion and a baby have in common?

The mom doesn't want either of them.

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?

I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.

What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.

How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.