What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?
A: Because they are humerus.
What do you call a chicken that was cared for? A tendered chicken.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
What does a sponge do?
It talks to Patrick.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
A Twix.
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
You do not spell "computer" like this; you spell it like this: "cumputer."
One day Johnae said, "What do you call a family outing?"
"Incest."
Low key Johnae fucks Kirby and Peach.
