What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
What do you say to a fat Asian?
You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
Do you know Helen Keller?
Yes.
Did you know she had a dog?...... Neither did she!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
What do you call a Down syndrome kid who has been physically abused by older teenagers and her parents for a total of 16 years and has red marks all over their body?
Not funny because Down syndrome jokes aren't funny ;)
What do you call J Cow's new hit? Deja Moo!
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
Where do you go when food dies?
A fooderal.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.
