DoS jokes
You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru!
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
"The f*** am I even doing here?"
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
What do you call a guy with a sandwich?
A guy with a sandwich.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef......haha.....no one likes my jokes.
What do you say after committing incest?
No Chromo!
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A “Lickalottapuss”.
What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
Do you like Mirah?
Mirah-t nuts.
What do you get if you cross Damian Lillard and a watch?
What do dogs drink? Pupsi.