What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask nicely.
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
What do you call a bald science teacher?
HOBBS LOL XD :)
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru!
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
what do u call security outside a samsung store guardians of the galaxy
The fuck am I even doing here.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
What do you call a guy with a sandwich?
A guy with a sandwich.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
What do you call Steven Hawkins on fire
Hot wheels
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef......haha.....no one likes my jokes.
What do you say after committing incest?
No Chromo!
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
