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DoS jokes

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A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me, what did you do?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

  • 2

    • So you know "The Lion King."

    Do you remember Simba?

    Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

    So I told him to Mufasa.

    What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

    Reload... chhchhhh.