How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eyed deer What do u call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no eyed deer What do u call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls? Still no f*#$in eyed deer
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
What is Alan Turing's reincarnation doing?
Getting revenge for what some people said about him being gay.
How do you plan a party in space? You have to planet.
What's the difference between a boy and girl? A boy always carries an average 5in "do not enter" sign.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the kitchen appliances.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?
Both have noses.
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"
I ask my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her how did you do that but there was no response.
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
